Proceed with Caution

So as the time came to “come out” the feelings of “to do it or not” began to tug at my heart and cause major headaches.  I knew who I was and what others needed to know, but exactly when and how were the major questions.  Then there was - who to tell first, who not to tell, how to go about letting people find out.  I was certain I needed to be honest with my family and friends.  I knew WHO I was and they needed to finally know the REAL me so that I could begin to LIVE. 

Cautiously I began to tell people the truth about who I am.  I was amazed at the reactions.  I continue to be amazed by the people in my life and their reactions.  As I have mentioned I come from a very conservative small town community.  It is a place that people “like me” run from instead of running to.   So as I started to “come out” I was nervous about the reactions of the people in MY WORLD. 

I had many friends whose reactions were, “Yes, we know.  We have just been waiting on you to admit it.”  There have even been those who said, “Good for you, I am proud of you for being so courageous and for deciding to be the REAL you.”  These reactions were great, but where were all those negative reactions I was expecting? 

Where were the reactions to run me out of town, to get me out of the classroom? Where were the ones who would stop talking to me and avoid me at all costs?  They were there.  I think?  I have, to this day, never heard a negative reaction.  No one has said anything to me negatively to my face.  I have had those few people who no longer talk to me, or who will give me a look when I enter a room.  For the most part though, the negative has not surfaced to rear its ugly hate filled head.  There are those who will “secretly” look for ways to tear me down.  They will talk behind my back, and look for reasons to spread gossip and stir up trouble.  The thing is, I am not bothered by it. Well, I am not bothered by it “too much”.  I am who I am.  This is me, and this is who I am going to be for the rest of my life.  Take me or leave me, but don’t think for one minute you are going to destroy me.  I have become very strong through this journey, and I have prepared for your kind of hate and shadiness. 

The one thing I was not prepared for is the wide ranging support I have received.  The encouragement to be strong and continue to have the courage to live MY LIFE, has been amazing.  I become emotional when I think of all the great friends and family I have who show me daily how much they care.  So many, with so much love and support to share with ME, a gay man from small town Indiana.  I am amazed, overwhelmed, and touched by the great support network I have.  My colleagues, friends, family, and MY WORLD, are all important to me.  You are the ones whom I know I can trust no matter the situation, and I know you will have my back if ever I need you.  So as I continue on this journey, I will Proceed with Caution knowing that there are many who will support and few who will try to tear me down.  Strength in numbers tells me I will never have to face anything alone.