BAPTISMAL SUNDAY

This past weekend was spent by Rick and I traveling to Aurora for a visit to our Illinois family for baptismal Sunday at the Aurora Advent Christian Church.  I must say that this weekend had a whole different meaning for me by the end.  I set out on this trip excited to see my "Mom 2" and my sister Sarah, and to witness the baptism of my darling "bug-nugget".  I was also looking forward to being witness to one of the last sermons at the Aurora Church for Kenny. 

After our arrival on Friday evening, dinner that night, and our many events on Saturday, I began to realize the meaning of this trip.  Then the true reality hit me when we arrived at Church for the early service, knowing we were going to be staying through until the end of the baptismal service as well, and faces from the past began to appear.  Not just in the form of those in the sanctuary, but in my mind as well.  As I listened to the message of the morning sermon, I was taken to a time when I was so unsure of my calling in life that I wanted to leave Aurora University and just go home.  These people saved me.  They showed me love and compassion, and allowed me to receive guidance from being a witness to their works and their own trials.

As Kenny spoke about our "calling" in life, I started to think back to my goals and dreams.  I have always wanted to be a teacher, and I have always felt called to be in the classroom.  As I have contemplated over the past few months taking a step back and finding something else to do, this sermon struck a cord.  I do not want to do anything else.  I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and today I do it as my true self.  I am 100% me in all that I do, and that is what we are "called" to do. 

GOD "calls" each of us to be ourselves and use our gifts to help others.  As I listened to the message, I realized that I strive daily to answer the "call", to serve as I am able, and to do so AS MYSELF!!  So often I am ridiculed, scoffed at, and even talked about, but it is all because I am a being myself in EVERY aspect of my life.  It too me years to step out of the shadows, mainly for fear of rejection by those i cared most deeply about.  As I have been back to Aurora over the past couple of years, I have found I had no reason to worry.  These people have accepted ME and continue to accept ME, and most recently they accept US into their "home".  Rick and I have been honored to be able to attend services at the Aurora Advent Christian Church when we are in town, because we are accepted, loved, and truly blessed when we worship there. 

I have searched for a while now to find a place to be who I am completely and still worship the Lord and Savior.  I have found that place in Aurora, and WE are comfortable there.  My heart sang loudly during worship times this Sunday as I heard Rick singing beside me, worshipping with me, and praising GOD for all he does.  Our GOD is an awesome GOD, he is not a vindictive GOD of hate and damnation.  He is loving, and forgiving, and ACCEPTING.  Just as GOD is all these things, the wonderful congregation in Aurora is too.  They know no prejudice toward anyone.  They accept all who come to worship, and they praise GOD for their presence with them.

As the baptismal service proceeded, I was touched by each and every testimony, from the youngest (my 8year old bug-nugget) to the wisest.  Testimonies written for Kenny to read, and the most eloquent and heartfelt testimony read by one baptism candidate them self.  As these testimonies were shared, I felt my heart rise with the spirit of love in the room.  I remembered my own baptism, in the YMCA pool, all those years ago and my spirit was renewed, my faith restored, that with all that is gong on in this nation, here is a place that you can go,  A CHURCH,  where you feel no judgment, you feel no shame, you feel no prejudice, you only feel the LOVE and ACCEPTANCE that the LORD desires of his church.

I hope to find a "home" church soon, as making the trip to Aurora every Sunday might be a bit of a stretch.  Until then, I challenge everyone to remember your own Baptismal Sunday.  How did you feel that day? Think about what we are all "called" to do.  Not what your specific "calling" might be, but that we are all called to be ourselves and honestly love and care for our neighbors.  Decide how you will use your gifts for the purpose of serving GOD by helping others, by being yourself.

GOD BLESS

YOU WERE WARNED . . . #1

So, some of you have been asking, wondering, or just sitting back and waiting to hear.  As you know there has been some turmoil in my family.  As you should also be aware from monitoring my posts, I have remained quiet and not broadcast my business on facebook.  Some of you have asked me in person, some have texted, some of you have even noted that you have read comments by others that are obviously directed at me.  Still, I refrained.  I have not read any of the posts that are supposedly directed at me, nor do I really care to read them.  If they say what I am told they say, they are far from the truth or reality of the situation.  So through this series of notes, beginning with this one I will try to clarify the situation and give you my side, as some of you have been bombarded by their side.
It starts out simply enough - I AM GAY!!  This should not be a surprise to anyone of you, as I hide nothing.  This is however somewhat of an issue for certain members of my "family".  Those of you who know my family know and understand that I have a brother-in-law who is closed minded, and unwilling to accept alternative lifestyles.  This is where the gist of the problem lies.  He tends to laud his bigotry and hypocracy high over anyone who allows it.  I am not willing to stop being myself for his benefit, and I am not crawling back into the proverbial closet just for his peace of mind.
Now, if his bigotry alone were the main issue things might not have gotten to the point they are today, I have barely spoken to my sister or parents in over a month, and they have not seen the boys during that time either.  This is all by their choice.  Oh, they will say I am acting like a child, I am jealous of this or that, and that I am unwilling to communicate.  Well, That is far from the truth.  I am not jealous, I am far from a child, and I am more than happy to communicate (on an intelligent and level field).  However, the bigotry that exists has caused my own parents to choose to turn away from me and the boys to please the anti-gay side of the family.  They fear that they will be kept from my neice and nephews if they do not cower to the bigotry and hate that comes from that home, so they have dicarded me, my partner, and the twins as if we never existed to them.
Oh, they will say it was all my doing, all my decision to part ways.  This is partly true.  I have only asked that we be ONE family.  That we all be treated with the same respect, and that we all love and be loved equally.  I have only ever wanted to be accepted as my true self, and have my partner and my children accepted as well.  Because one does not want my partner and I around others, we have to decide to send the boys alone without us, or keep them from certain functions all together.  Well, we do not have the twins often enough to pass them off on our weekends or our visists with them.  This is unacceptable to me, but others don't understand that.
How can you claim to be a family when there are TWO separate Thanksgivings, TWO separate Christmas's because the GAYS cant be around certain family members?  YOU CAN'T!!
So, this is the root of the issue.  This is the beginning of the story.  Choose to read the next posted note, or choose to remove yourself all together.  Know that these people are blocked from my facebook, and if you choose to communicate these notes to them, you might not like the results.  Not from me, I could care less at this point.  I have found acceptance and love in the form of my partner's family.  They have accepted us, they love and spoil the twins, and we are truly ONE FAMILY!!  This is all I have ever wanted, all I have ever asked for.  I simply ask for my parents to understand and stand up for ONE family, ONE EQUAL LOVE FOR ALL!  Until then, I will continue on this journey with the support of the freinds and family I do have and WE will survive.
LOVE TO ALL!!!

VALENTINES AND HEARTS

At this time last year I was entering into a new relationship with an amazing guy.  My life was looking up and all seemed to be heading in the right direction.  Now, one year later, we are still together and things are going so well with us.  The twins think the world of him, and he cherishes them so much.  I could not be happier with the progression of our relationship.  When we met I could  not have imagined that we would have gotten so close so quickly.  We connected instantly, and we are inseparable to this day.  I can not imagine my life without him in it now.  It amazes me how one year has made us so strong and so in love.  Last Valentine's day we had only been together for a few days, now we are celebrating one year together, and looking forward to what the next year has in store for us.  He has been here for me through many rough times in this past year, and he continues to hold my hand and stand by me as I go through the heart break that exists in my life right now.  I could not have been as strong as I have needed to be this past few months had he not been here keeping me going.  He makes me see things clearly, and he helps me talk through situations as they arise.  We hold each other's hands and help one another through anything that arises and that is what makes ours a strong and special relationship.  There are those who still scoff and judge, but they have no idea what we go through together, and how our hearts have bonded to one another.

There are those who have turned their back on me, and those who continue to talk behind my back, but I know that for each of them there is another who supports and encourages me. These who support me and encourage me along the way are my HEARTS.  As I celebrate Valentine's day this year, I celebrate the HEARTS in my life.

Here are the HEARTS I celebrate as I look at my life.

HEART #1 - My wonderful partner -  He is here for me through everything, and I know that the love we share is the kind of love that will last a lifetime.

HEART #2 - My amazing children - These twin boys are the strongest, most resilient 11 year-olds I know.  They have been through so much with their mother and I, and our new relationships.  They have been through so much with the recent stresses of our family situation, yet they never fail to smile and amaze me and make me smile with pride.

HEART #3 - Friendship - I have some of the most amazing friends.  From lifelong friends to the new friends I am making everyday.  They are all so supportive and full of encouragement and acceptance.

HEART #4 - Family - It may seem ironic to some that I post this one right now, but without my family I would not be where I am today.

HEART #5 - School - My colleagues and my students make every day at work worth every second.

So, as I celebrate Valentine's Day this year, I am celebrating the LOVE that I feel from the HEARTS in my life.  Everyone one of them is an important force in who I am and who I continue to be.

BLOOD OR WATER?

Well, we all know the saying, "Blood is thicker than water."  I have lived by this statement my whole life.  Anytime a family member has been hurting or in need, I have always made sure to come to the side of blood.  Recently I have discovered that I have been living a fantasy believing this statement held truth.  I have found that in my most trying times only true friends have really been there, not in front or behind, but right beside me holding my hand and supporting me as I journey through life.  Blood has finally shown me that there are choices in life, and sometimes blood chooses water.  When blood chooses water, what are we to do, choose water too!!  My most supportive and loving friends have proven yet again that the only difference between blood and water is the amount of love one pours out of them.  This may come across as an angry rant, but after what I have been through this is more than that.  This is me taking a stand for myself and my children.  I have endured bigotry in its worst form.  This bigotry has caused blood to make a chioce, and that choice was to turn away from me and my children.  Don't get me wrong, you know me well enough from my writing to know this doesn't bother me that they turned away from me.  What bothers me is that my children have had to witness and endure this bigotry.  This bigotry has come from one person and his hatred of my lifestyle has allowed him to turn my blood away from me.  My own blood has chosen to give in to his increasing demands to avoid me, and to turn away from my children. My children are very intelligent and they are well aware what is going on.   They have much supportive "water" in their lives and they will be fine.  No one can kiss away the pain, no one can put a band aid on this wound, but the love of true friends sure can make things bearable.  I love my family, I love my friends.  Blood may be thicker than water, but when it comes to lifes difficult and trying times, water is what will get me through.  Thanks to all the WATER in my life, I am blessed.