HOPES

HOPES

Hopes are dreams that may never come true

Hopes are dreams of my life with you

Hopes are dreams you hate to share

Only get them up if you dare

Hopes are wishes carried in the heart

Hopes are wishes not to depart

Hopes are wishes beyond compare

Only get them up if you dare 

Hopes can make you happy or make you sad

Hopes can make you smile or make you mad

Hopes can make you grin or make you glare

Only get them up if you dare 

Be careful of the hopes you keep

Be careful hopes may make you weep

Be careful of hopes and be aware

Don't get them up unless you dare

Sometimes we go through life living on our hopes, but we also need to be cautious what we place our hopes in.  We must always be on the lookout for those hopes that are place in the wrong actions, places, or people.  When we get out hopes up and think things are perfect, we tend to let our defenses down and end up finding more pain than happiness.  I have learned to be cautious of my misplaced hopes, yest sometimes I still fall into the trap of becoming too comfortable and happy and realize I have gotten my hopes up too high and need to bring myself back to reality.  My reality is that I have been on a roller coaster lately and I try daily to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground by hoping and dreaming about the future without getting those hopes up anymore

FOR YOU

FOR YOU

For you, my love, I give my all

For you, my love, I can't depart

For you, my love, I deeply fall

For you, my love, I give my heart

For you, my love, joy flows free

For you, my love, are total bliss

For you, my love, lasts eternally

For you, my love, I long to kiss

For you, my love, I do anything

For you, my love, I climb any mount

For you, my love, I wear your ring

For you, my love, I will make it count

This was written for my true love, Rick.  I try every day to prove just how much he means to me.  He is an amazing man, friend, partner, and dream come true.

FLAGS

So much has gone on these past few days.  With all the talk about what is right and what is wrong and decisions regarding flags and the lives of fellow Americans, I was moved to write this little piece today to sum up my thoughts.

FLAGS

Some may mock

Some may scorn
It's time we retire the battle torn
It's time to lay the hateful flag to rest

Some will stop

Some will rise above
Its time we choose the one of love
It's time to raise one that has passed the test

We should all stand proud

We should all stand free
We should honor the flag of equality
We should say our pledge the one that is the best

All praise to our USA as we celebrate equality today.   May we forever remember our heritages and celebrate our differences as we stand together under THE flag of the United States of America.  One people, one nation, one law for liberty and justice for ALL.

Philip D. Arnold, June 26, 2015

PRIDE

Originally Published on my Facebook notes June 9, 2012.  New material added at end and pictures throughout.

What does PRIDE mean to me?  PRIDE Stands for PEOPLE RECOGNIZING INDIVIDUAL DIVERSITY and EQUALITY.

To me, PRIDE means so much.  It means a world where being who you are is not scoffed at, mocked, or hated.  It means being able to hold his hand and walk with my head hel high without fear of condemnation.  It is a time to escape the world of closed-minded ignorant bigots, and just celebrate who I am.

PRIDE means different things to each of us, but to me it means BEING ME!

Let's break it down, shall we?
PEOPLE - Human kind, all human kind, no separation by race, creed, religion, or sexual orientation, just PEOPLE
RECOGNIZING - Taking notice and giving validity to the existence of
INDIVIDUAL - Each single person who exists
DIVERSITY - the differences between the recognized individuals
EQUALITY - being treated the SAME as everyone else, something we all wish to acheive

As I find myself estranged from my family because of their misguidence by a bigoted in-law, I hold my head up high, knowing that those who matter most in my life love me for me and always will.  To my loving partner, my wonderful children, my understanding ex-wife, my best friends, and my family who have not abandoned me, I SAY THANK YOU for allowing me to be ME and accepting all that comes with who I AM.

As I prepare to attend the Circle City PRIDE Parade and Festival, I prepare to celebrate who I am and recognize everyone for their Individuality while noting their differences and searching for equlaity for all PEOPLE!!

Addendum June 7, 2015

This year my partner and I will attend the Circle City PRIDE Parade and Festival with my 15 year old twin sons for the first time. I love that we will be able to share this even with these two loving, compassionate, supportive young men.  They are true examples of acceptance, as they see all human beings for who they are and not what the world might have them see.  We will share the time during this event with these two young men and some of our closest friends to show PRIDE in our individuality and our happiness to be who we are.

THE RUG

Every day something new comes to light

Every day something wrong seems right

Every day the darkness turns to light

When I'm most afraid is every night

I try to smile, make light, and shrug

But out from under me comes the rug

Each new day brings new hope as I try to improve upon the day before. I try to convince myself that the improvements others see is really what is happening with me. As I get stronger and become more confident, fear builds and causes my mind to wander.  Just when I think all is moving along smoothly, I stub my toe and see an obstacle that wasn't there before.  Just when things seem to be going well, I sense something changing and I start to dwell on the downside again.  Every time I find myself happy where I stand, I fear the rug will be pulled out from under me once again.

2014 was the worst year of my life.  I suffered pain, agony, sickness, and strife.  I found myself knocking on death's door not once, but twice.  As I look back to March 2014 I fine the knowledge that my nearly dying was a bit of a choice.  I fell ill, and saw that as a way out of the emotional struggle I was facing.  I figured I could become ill enough no one would press the issue if I just passed on into the beyond.  I was wrong.  I found that there were many who would push me to recover and see me through.  I climbed out of the darkness and began to realize there is so much more worth living for.  I chose to rise out of the pit of despair and make my life whole and new again.  I saw my life once again as valuable and began to feel happiness again.

Maybe that is the biggest mistake I make each day, feeling happy.  It was once again revealed to me that feelings of happiness must be accompanied by painful trials and excruciating fears.  I would still suffer at night from paralyzing nightmares that woke me toward a cautiousness.  I found myself distancing myself from many so that I could avoid any chance of more pain.  However, I let my guard down again, began to feel happiness again, and BAM!  Once again reality slapped me in the face.  I had to tackle another life threatening event that still has me recovering.  As 2015 came toward an end a stroke left me battling to get myself back among the living.  

I am winning the battle, but the war seems endless to me.  I entered 2016 hopeful that life would change and happiness would return along with improved health.  Boy was that an optimistic thought.  My health has improved, for the most part.  Aside from some issues with numbness and an abundance of medications, I am starting to feel better.  However, I struggle with feeling that I am tired of always relying on others to take care of things that I once took for granted.  I am still unable to drive, I struggle walking properly, I have issues with balance, and I once again battle the nightmares.  

This time the nightmares are not of drowning, but of falling, failing, and losing. Once I was happy and optimistic about so much of my life.  Now I find myself doubting, fearing, and struggling with insecurities.  I fear I will never return to my old self.  I fear I am never going to be good enough again.  I fear I will fall tired of trying again and return to the feelings that lead me to come so close to losing everything a year ago.  As I try to overcome the nightmares, I at least have support of true friends, close family, and the love of my life to pull me through.  I consider myself lucky in so many ways, and I am trying to regain my mental and physical strength to once again stand on the rug and not allow it to be pulled from older me this time around.

Every day something new comes to light

Every day something wrong seems right

Every day the darkness turns to light

When I'm most afraid is every night

I try to smile, make light, and shrug

This time I will stand strong on that rug.

WHO HAS A DREAM?

It was a normal evening sitting at home watching television when my phone vibrated and a proud moment arrived.

On Tuesday, January 27 2015, at 10:16pm I received an email from the Language Arts teacher of one of my sons.  

Tears of pride filled my eyes as I read these words.

"Dear Mr. Arnold,

I hope this message finds you well.  I wanted to send you a note about how proud I am of Trey.  He did an amazing job writing and presenting his I Have a Dream speech to the class on Friday.  I'm not sure if he shared it with you, but I hope he will.  I know he spoke from his heart, and made an impact on so many people.  He struggled with some emotions, but that just showed how compassionate he felt.  You have a wonderful son, and it has been a real pleasure to have him in class this year.

Fondly,

K"

The next day my son messaged me and asked if I would like him to send his speech to me.  This became the second proud moment of the week.  As I read the words my fourteen year old son had spoken to his classmates, I was overcome with emotion.  I imagine it would have been even more emotional had I actually heard him give the speech.  

The following is the speech that was written by my fourteen year old son that has given me a stronger sense of pride than I have felt in a while.

I Have a Dream

By: "T"

I have a dream that one day this nation will accept people for who they are.

I have a dream that one day the world will be a better place. People will treat everyone around the world with the respect they have desperately deserved for so long

I have a dream that one day individuals who are gay will finally have the respect and equality they have deserved for years. I will avoid the places that do not support gay rights and marriage.

I have a dream that one day marriage for any sexual orientation will be legal in any state and any country.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream today that one day my father and his partner will be able to reunite with his family who has pushed him out of their lives. I haven’t seen my aunt and uncle in 2 years because they don’t approve of his sexual orientation.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day everyone will be able to be in the pursuit of happiness. The Martin Luther King Jr. speech of equality for African Americans is the horrible beast that is now the discriminating against individuals who are gay today.

This is my faith. With this faith we will be able to have the Individuals who are gay and the individuals who are straight be treated equally.

I have two amazing sons, who never cease to amaze me.  They are both so full of love and compassion, and they both truly understand more about this life than I ever imagined they would at the age of fourteen.  I can only hope that, as they grow up, they will continue to share their love and compassion with others to show the positives in this world without letting the negatives bring them down.