As I turn 40, I look ahead of me to see what life may hold. Not looking behind, as that shows only the life that once was, and is no more. I have taken the steps to move forward with my life and to take on this new chapter with nervous excitement. I am excited to move forward, yet nervous to take each step. The changes that have taken place in my life have been liberating. I am free to be myself, free to live life to the fullest and not look back. Not that my past holds negative memories, because it does not. My past holds some of the grandest, most blessed memories I have. However, I know that as the future opens up and I move forward, new memories will be made and they have the potential to be better yet.
As I move forward, I have many “Thank you’s” to send out.
First, I must thank my parents. 40 years ago the love you shared brought me into the world. Little did you know then the challenges I would bring to your lives throughout my life. Through every twist and turn, every up and down, every hill and valley, you are always there for me. My mommy is my one true BEST friend and she loves me for me. I have many friends, few best friends, but my mom is the BEST OF THE BEST!! My Dad, well, he may not understand me or my decisions, but I know he loves me for me. He may not agree with my moving to the city, or the people I bring into my life, but I know he loves me for me.
My Granny Grand, in all her 91 years, has been through much and she still finds time to love each of her children, grandchildren, and all her extended family for who they are. When I told her about my life and who I am I knew she still loves me for me.
My dearest sister has spent many days and nights talking, listening, laughing, and crying with me. The bond we share is more than brother/sister, it is the bond of true friends who never judge, never speak ill, and she loves me for me.
My most precious children have never shown any doubt in my moving forward. They are the biggest blessing in my life, and they are the most caring, kind hearted, and accepting children I know. They show an understanding of things most children would never know, and they accept everything about me as if it is a normal part of life. Their love and support have made my move to the next chapter easier to make. All of this is made easier because I know that each of them loves me for me.
The mother of my children is amazing. What else can I say about the woman who gave birth to the most important people in my life. We have had our moments, and lord knows things became strange for us both, but through everything, she has been one of my biggest supporters. She is constantly offering advice and allowing me to be open with her when needed. My decision was a huge struggle between responsibility-vs-love, and ultimately LOVE had to win. It was either that or I was going to shrivel and die. In my case I had to choose to love me in order to do the responsible thing for my children, and that was to let their mother go and live a better life. She has always been my best friend and always will be. All of this shows that she loves me for me.
Mom2 is the women who took me in during my college years and allowed me to become part of her family. She, her wonderful husband, and my little sister took me in, cared for me, and to this day offer the best support system a guy could ask for. I love them for loving and caring for me. They are special because each of them loves me for me.
My closest friends know me, my life, my hopes, my dreams, my desires, and my loves. They are always beside me supporting and encouraging me. They pick me up when I fall down. They cheer with me when I am up. They are the ones who I know I can count on in my darkest hours, and in the brightest moments of my life. I know this because each of them loves me for me.
My distant friends are those who even though there are miles between us, I know they are there at any moment. They offer support through encouraging cards, emails, texts, facebook messages, and phone calls. They are so close that when we are together in person after long periods away the still prove to me that each of them loves me for me.
My new friends who have come into my life through this new chapter are a true blessing. You may not know how valuable you are to me, but you help to make my life so much easier to maneuver through. Your time may be spent going for a run with me, hanging out on the dance floor, or just being a part of the group when we are out to celebrate or party or just a "hello how are you" chat on facebook . Whatever your role in my life it is valuable because by being there you prove that each of you loves me for me.
My “kids” are those former students and athletes, or even former students who were not in my class but are part of the “group”. These young people have been one of the most supportive and encouraging groups when it comes to dealing with my new life. They send me some of the simplest messages, “like” my facebook status, give me a “good for you Mr. A”, and all without fear of what their peers will say. They are great young people whom I love for my children to look up to. These “kids” know that I would do anything for them at any time, and I know the same is true of them in reverse. All of this because these very positive and un-prejudiced young people each loves me for me.
My “Protective” friend, has come into my life as the voice of concern. He constantly pushes me to think and rationalize before making decisions. He is the one “straight” person in my life who can hang with me in any bar, on the dance floor, shopping, or anywhere in any situation. He can tell when I am down and supports and encourages me when I just need a friend. He seeks advice from me, and is there to advise me when I need it. From “he is not your type” to “you don’t want to do that” or even “don’t go to that bar tonight”, he is truly someone whom I know I can trust with my life, and the way he gets protective of me just proves that he loves me for me.
My “BEST GIRL”, has only been in my life a short time. She has already gotten to know the deep inner me. The me that I do not let everyone see. She reads me better than those who have known me “forever”. She has a true genuine spirit about her that allows me to be comfortable and calm. She forces me to face myself and my issues with a true compassion, and she can make me smile with the simplest of texts or facebook messages. She is truly a one of a kind friend who loves spending time with me as much as I enjoy the time with her. All she does and says proves that she loves me for me.
My “Grace”, is the one “old” friend who has returned to my life to become an unexpected super fan of my life. I am her “Will”, and we know that there is nothing we won’t do for each other. I have her back and support her fully, as she does me. Our own “Will and Grace” relationship is one that will last forever. It has already been proven that as we have grown up we have grown into one of the strongest friendship bonds because she loves me for me.
My “one and only” knows who she is, and why she is. She is the one person above all else who will smack me down when needed, cheer me up when no one else can, and throw me one hell of a party just because she loves me for me.
My AFF (Always Friends Forever) is so true to me even when I don’t deserve it. He constantly supports and encourages me and wants nothing but the best for me. Although we do not always agree on who or what that is, we stick together to lift each other up. I know when I need anything, he will be there because he loves me for me.
Of all my friends, and all the support they give me, these next three are the ones who give me reason to breathe each morning. They offer me all they can to allow me to know that I have their full support and encouragement as I step each day into this new chapter, because each of them loves me for me.
My BFF (Best Friend Forever) is just that. She is the one who will always be where I need her, when I need her. She may not always agree with my decisions or my actions, but she will always offer support and encouragement when it is needed. These past few months she has been one powerful driving force in my life changes. I know she does this because she loves me for me.
My GBFF (Gay Best Friend Forever) is truly a blessing to my life. He came into my life at just the right moment and made my new life in the city bearable. Although we have had our troubles, and he has moved on and out to start his own new chapter, I know he will be here when needed, as I will be for him. Because we give one another support that most others don’t or can’t understand. He is my saving grace and my sanity. He is all these things because he loves me for me.
Then there is TTBFF(THE TRUE BEST Friend Forever) whom I have given my heart to even when he doesn’t want it. He is the one who has made the “walk” into this new chapter worth every minute. We share everything about our lives. We know that no matter what comes up, who comes in, who goes out, or how long we are apart, we will always be together. We will be together as BEST friends always. People look at us and look for the “something more” that they think they will find between us. We both have to admit there are times when that line seems blurred, but WE know who we are and WHAT we are. My life will be better for having him in it. He has been in my life for a while now, and because of this I am comfortable being me. He brings out both the best and worst in me. That is what ones TRUE BEST FRIEND does. They know you better than you know yourself, and because of this they know just when they are needed. He knows I need him more at times, and he knows when I need him to just go away. Fortunately, I know that when he does go away it is never for very long, and I know that soon we will be driving each other insane when we are together even more than before. I know he exists in my life for a purpose, and he will remain my TTBFF because I KNOW he loves me for me.
Thank you to each of you, and most importantly to the one who matters most, My Lord and Savior Jesus Crist. It amazes me daily the hate that exists in this world. There are so many out there who struggle to be themselves because of hate and abuse. There are so many who use The Word, to try to tear us down. I have been fortunate in my life to have had many strong spiritual leaders and guides. One thing I learned from each of them is that my God does not hate anyone. I know that he will “never leave nor forsake me” because he LOVES ME FOR ME!
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