OUT OF THE BLUE

It is in the random moments in life
Be they joyful or full of strife
I sit and think of times gone by
And too often start to wonder why

Then when thoughts have shifted away
And I think of the coming new day
It’s like a signal went straight to you
When I am hit by something out of the blue

Out of the blue you send a little note
There’s nothing special in what you wrote
It was a simple message just to tell me "hi"
But it was enough to make me start to cry

Out of the blue I see something in the cloud
Something that makes me want to shout out loud
I want to shout out something just to let you know
How much your little note helps my heartache go

Out of the blue you’re gone just as fast
As that day you left me in the past
I wonder if I will ever hear again from you
I think of just what I would say just in case I do

I want to tell you of the way you made me feel that day
When I thought you and your friendship were coming back to stay
But I now I know deep down that it just isn’t true
You only intended to say "hi", maybe by mistake, and Out of the Blue.
　
　

BREATHING

"Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away."　
Heard this George Straight song recently and it reminded me that sometimes we concentrate too much on breathing that we forget to enjoy the moments. I am having a great time lately with my life. I have had my breath taken away many times lately, and it feels so wonderful. Every minute of this new life is breath taking, but I know that even though those breath taking moments feel so wonderful I still need to take time and breathe.

It is in taking the breath after each breath taking event that I find my true self. Sometimes the breath taking events are events that I wish would never end, and other times they are simply reminders of good times long past. After each breath taking event, I find myself reflecting and wondering if things can really be that great for me. I have a tendency to over analyze, and underestimate. I do not expect good things to happen to me and when they do, I wonder how I am so lucky.

I have tried to compile a list of some of my most “breath taking” moments and how they are still a part of my life, or how they are merely memories. In my attempts to put this list together I found too many to list them all. I will post the following as highlights of the most “breath taking” and plan to come back and add to the list as others come to mind or new moments occur. The events are in no particular order, other than the order they come to mind, except the first one, it is pretty obvious.

•  The most breath taking moment of my life was the birth of my precious babies! That moment still brings me to my knees in joyful prayers of thanksgiving. They are definitely the lights of my life, and the main reason I live and breathe.
• My breath is taken anytime I am in the same room as my wonderful grandmother. She has been a true inspiration to me through the years, and is always one of my biggest supporters.
• My mother takes my breath daily with the love and concern she has for me. She is truly my best friend and my most adoring fan.
• Recently, my father spoke to me in a way that let me know he does love me and he accepts me for me. There were doubts until he spoke recently and I knew my Dad was “back”.
• My friends are a large part of my breath taking moments. Too many to list, but sometimes the recovery from their moments takes days. There are a few friends who must be highlighted here, as they are throughout these writings, because they are the ones who have gotten me through so much and continue to support and encourage daily. Without mentioning names I will just leave it to you to know who you are.
• Mom2 takes my breath away by being ever present. Her unconditional love and unwavering support push me to remember that I am loved no matter who I am or who I love!
• Recently had my breath taken away by the arrival of a new friend in my life. Amazing how things happen when least expected. It has been a fun journey so far, and I look forward to each new day with him.
• The return of friends I thought were lost forever has been another moment to take my breath away. I had written some of them off for one reason or another, but they have returned and the friendships have picked back up where they left off, some even stronger and more enjoyable.
• Random text messages take my breath away, especially when they come from someone who I haven’t heard from in months. They probably texted by mistake but it still meant something, just knowing they still exist.
• GOD takes my breath away at all that he provides daily. I am so thankful each and every day for the life, love, and experiences I have. I look forward to each new day with faith and hope for unending glory.

As these breath taking moments occur, I know just how blessed I am. I will continue to enjoy my life’s journey, knowing that each day brings renewed promise for more moments that will take my breath way, and I will remind myself as the song says. . .

“But life's not the breath you take, the breathing in and out

That gets you through the day, ain't what it's all about

You just might miss the point trying to win the race

Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away”

 

　
　

RESOLUTIONS FOR MY NEW LIFE

This year I will not make resolutions for the new year, instead the following are my Resolutions for a New Life. So many of us make the annual resolution, only to find ourselves breaking it very early on in the year, and having no success to look forward to by the end of the year. If we focus on those unsuccessful resolutions we end up frustrated and angry at ourselves, or at least disappointed. For this reason, I have decided to make a few resolutions that I will aim toward not only this coming year , but throughout the rest of my life.

1 - I resolve that I will no longer be the “sidewalk friend”. I will not be the friend that others can walk all over and disregard when they have no use for me. I will not be the one who is always there for others, only to have them forget I exist when I am in need. Those who have gotten used to treating me this way, you will notice the change, because it will be obvious.

2 - I resolve that I will no longer be the friend of “convenience”. I will not be the one who is only asked to do things when it is convenient for others to have me around. I will not be the one who is always available at the last possible minute when all other options have been exhausted, and I am all that remains. Most of those who fit into this category, have already been eliminated from my life, and others who make me feel this way will be turned away immediately.

3 - I resolve to do more for me for a change than for others. This may sound selfish, but I have always been the kind of person who does for others without asking for anything. I have always been the friend who is there, the acquaintance you can count on for support, and the person who blindly gives change to the beggar on the street. This ends now. I will make my own way, and will not ask for your help. If you don’t know when help is needed without being asked, you are not much of a friend. I will still be here for those who need me, but I will not sacrifice myself and my life for you anymore.

4 - I resolve to continue this wonderful journey I am on with or without the support of family and friends. I am who I am, and I will not change for anyone again. I admit the majority of my family and REAL Friends have been nothing but supportive and encouraging as this journey began, but there are those who privately scoff and even those who publicly condemn. I do not care your thoughts anymore. I KNOW who I am, I am happy and proud of who I am, and I am ready to live MY LIFE as ME.

5 - Lastly, and most importantly, I resolve to be the best father I can be. Everything else in this world means nothing, compared to my children. They are my life, and I will do everything in my power to see that they have the best life they can have. I may not be rich or famous. I may not live in a fancy house or drive a fancy car. I may be gay, but I am a father. I am going to make sure that I am the best father I can be to my children, and they will know that they are loved daily!!

I have not made resolutions for a new year, I have made RESOLUTIONS FOR MY NEW LIFE!