A year ago at this time my life was beginning to take a downward spiral that would not be evident for a few months to everyone, but looking back this is where it all started. I began to suffer mentally and physically. I came down with my first round of bronchitis and fell into a depression that seemed never ending. I took a personal "retreat" prior to Thanksgiving and tried to pull myself back together. I returned "home" Thanksgiving day with hopes of a renewed sense of self.
After a month of continued soul searchjng, self doubt, and another round of bronchitis, I found myself once again drowning in a sea of wonder. I continued to muddle through as winter cam and forced myself to think Happy thoughts. I moved to a new place to find myself, yet always longed to be "home". The constant doubting myself, my place, and my worth caused me to once again find illness as Spring came.
I spiraled out of control as I chose to ignore the illness until it was too late. Told it was "just bronchitis" again, I chose to let the illness get the best of me. This is when I gave up on myself and anything of value left in my life. I felt others would be better off if I were to succumb to whatever was ailing me. I was already feeling rejected by some I was closest too and felt I was dragging others down.
Then I slept!
Thirty-seven days in the hospital gave me time to rest, heal, and find myself. All the soul searching I had done was minimal compared to my time in the hospital once I woke up. I realized I needed to live and make things right for my family and myself.
This Thanksgiving, I am still recovering, but I am healthy and ready to tackle anything this life has in store. I am thankful for my family and friends who have stayed by my side and who continue to support me on my journey. I'm not going to lie and make people believe things are perfect, but I will let you all know I am doing everything I can to make things better.
